I'm not interested in husbands. I'm not interested in lipstick. I am especially not interested in makeup. What I like the awesomest is, not a swimming pool, but MUD. I just put my dress on and swim in the mud.

I guess I do want to have children some day, so I can tell them about all the ways I got hurt.

Necking

At the Mother's Day Tea at preschool, Katie greeted me with a giant hug, and jumped in my lap. Her first words to me:

I'm glad you brought your neck.

Sensibilities

While I am frantically searching for my keys and imploring my kids to help:

Katie: Ok. Mom. What do they smell like?

I love my cousin

Pillow talk, apparently thinking about beloved Matt, age 12:

Katie: Where will I be if Matt gets a wife?

Back off bro, I choose the show

To Zach, after a bit of screen time had been granted:

"Little girls who stay in their bed all night long get to pick the tv show."

Huh?

My mom treated Katie and me to an afternoon of "The Nutcracker" at AB High School. At intermission, Katie and I went to the lobby to find a big crowd of ballet-watchers hovering around tables loaded with plates of cookies and coffee urns. Katie looked concerned, grabbed my hand and bolted back toward the auditorium, saying,

"MOM! We gotta get out of here. This is somebody's church!"

Mommy, to go to college, will I have to go on the highway?

Shopping

...on whether or not to accompany mom to the grocery store.

Well, people might think I'm pretty, and they might want to get close to me. And then they'll get sick, because I'm sick. So, no. But can you get me applesauce? And carrots. And a parrot?

Hansel and Katie

Katie and Zach were having a snack at Grandpa and Grandma's new house. They've just moved in and the kitchen area isn't set up, so the kids were eating on a small side table. I told them to be very careful with the chocolate ice cream, because we didn't want to get it on the clean rug. Very conscientiously, they nibbled their cookies and ice cream.

Katie: Ummm, Grandma? Is it ok if I got some cookie crumbs on the table?

Grandma: Oh, sure, Katie, that's no problem.

Katie: Ok, because then it will be easier for you to find me...

Mommy, defined (for the rainy day file)

Mommy, you are a real GENUIS. You are a real STAR!

Because you take care of me and Zach.

Do turtles have ears?

Isn't it romantic?

Mom, you know what 'romance' means? It means 'very pretty', in French!

On seeing land from the "cruise boat"

Hellloooooo Bal-loo-ma!

(i.e., Bermuda)

Eyes Only

Betsy: Do you think you'll ever meet a boy who's as handsome as your daddy?

Katie: I guess so. But I'm not gonna bring him home. I'm just gonna look.

Grandpa Claus

Upon seeing her grandfather, Skipper, for the first time in a long time, Katie immediately climbed onto his lap and started playing with his beard.

Katie: Take your glasses off.

Skipper obliges.

Katie: Now say, "Ho Ho Ho!"

Bonding with Skipper

While sitting on her grandfather's lap, pulling his beard, and asking to see what his face looks like without glasses....

Katie: Skipper, my Grandma is very old but her doesn't have a beard...

Voices carry

I think that Zach has been filling Katie's head with some idle threats. She came in to my room, congested, in the middle of the night. I told her not to be alarmed if the phone rings, because Daddy was going to let me know that he made it safely to his hotel in San Jose.

Katie: He has a hotel?

Betsy: Well, yeah. That's where he sleeps when he's on a business trip.

Katie: And they have a jail there if he sings too loud?

Traffic Jam

Daddy, the highway is having a PARTY!

Fair Schmair

Katie: I'm making something, and only girls can touch it.

Betsy: Well, that's not very fair. How would you feel if you were a boy?

Katie: I'm never gonna be a boy. Doesn't matter.